18
I’m getting tired of restless nights.
the moon hangs low and sighs with me.
I spit chaos towards the stars;
chaos secretes from every opening on my lowly body,
this jumbled mess of life seeping from my tiniest pores.
I dig a hole and smile for hours -
closer to hell and safer from life,
safer in this tiny crevice,
this chamber somehow less a prison than the world free around me.
It's dim, but it's free -
free, the darkness surrounding and swallowing me -
less alive the only way to truly live.
And this place caves in -
this stale blue four bedroom, thee bath monstrosity on the hill -
the walls tremble in the chill before crashing down -
and for a moment its completely silent -
if for a moment I could freeze and just sit there in perfect, pure silence;
the sound of destruction waiting to happen,
the desperate sound of the vacant, cool air just before the world falls apart.
It's chilling, it's brilliant, this silent shriek,
it burrows through my heart and devours me;
I squirm a little bit before accepting the oncoming destruction
like watching an oncoming car just before crashes into you.
The same silence spins through the air just after it all comes down -
it's brilliant.
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