The Awful Rowing Toward God

Oh, who am I kidding?
I've been there too;
in the garage, the engine running.
Oh, I've been there too.

And I've been there on the hill,
in the chair at 8 AM. Dancing
in a circle, oh, la la la.
Oh, I've been there too.

I've watched the dark moving
in the corner. The lights turned
out. Asking, which way is
home, Mister?

I've breathed in intense, those
fumes of life. Listened for the
music swimming back to me.
No signs to tell the way.

I fingered the keys debating.
I locked the door. The song
remembers better than I do.
The motor growling louder than the music.

And I was not afraid. The music
came back to me; but life
continued to escape as each deep
breathe felt more alive.

There were no signs to tell
the way. So I just sat there, my
grip on the steering wheel slowly
relenting with each deep breath.

So I danced in a circle. Locked in
the chair at 8 AM. In the garage,
the engine running. Kidding no one.
Oh, I've been there too.